...so i touched it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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