in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
