I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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