youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
