..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
