i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
