White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
