Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
