I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
