We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
