Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
