she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
