i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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