Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
