I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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