One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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