Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it was like eating out sand paper
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
