im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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