When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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