dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
