The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
