we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
