She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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