I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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