i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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