watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
