ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
