I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
