why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
