after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
