Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
