when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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