There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
