I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
