His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
