She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
