it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
