can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
