No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
