I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
