Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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