Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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