her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
