At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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