It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize