Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
