Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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