I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
