She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
