i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
