I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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