need another drink. this is the easiest way
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
