she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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