Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
