I wish I could punch you in the face.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I love you. Go after that dick
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
