he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
