kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
