I just made out with a guy for $7.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
