Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita

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(815): View more from Illinois

My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.

Fav 14 1007 3407
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(703): View more from Virginia

I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.

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(419): View more from Ohio

i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike

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(269): View more from Michigan

I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on

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(912): View more from Georgia

I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.

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(206): View more from Washington

Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger

(406): View more from Montana

For Who flesh?

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