I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
