Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
