He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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