We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
