Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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