well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
