But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
