i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
