then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
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