I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize