You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize