making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize