If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The feeling are messing with the penis
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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